Adopting a curious stance can be a very effective tool when supporting children and young people to explore and make sense of their early and current experiences, as well as their inner world.
It requires carers who can confidently and effectively implement techniques which encourage open communication, active listening, and a willingness to learn from the child’s perspective.
At Meadows Psychology Service, we are passionate about the PACE method and believe that the curiosity approach can have a brilliant impact.
What is Curiosity?
Curiosity, or adopting a curious stance, when supporting children and young people means approaching the child or young person in an open and engaged manner, with a genuine interest in what they are thinking and feeling.
By directing non-judgemental curiosity towards a young person’s experience, we can help them to become more open to understanding this experience themselves.

Being curious requires us to put aside our assumptions, remain non-judgemental, and be open to gaining new perspectives on the reasons behind a young person’s words and actions.
In a nutshell, curiosity is…
· An open and non-judgemental process of discovery.
· About exploring and understanding (as opposed to trying to change or correct) the child’s experience of a situation.
· A way of helping children to make sense of their inner experience.
· A way of helping the child feel noticed, important, and worthy of care and attention.
Curiosity is not…
· Projecting our own thoughts and assumptions onto the child’s experience.
· Trying to change how the child thinks or feels about a situation.
· Assuming the child understands how they feel or why they feel the way they do.
· Bombarding the young person with questions.
Examples of Ways to Adopt a Curious Stance
1. Wonder aloud and describe what you see:
This involves us saying out loud what the child might be feeling based on what we observe. E.g. If a child has been spending time alone more often than usual, a curious stance might sound something like:
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been quiet and spending a lot of time sitting on your own these past few days. I’m wondering whether there’s something you’re worried or upset about…”
2. Name that you are unsure:
Even when we have no idea why a child is behaving in a particular way, curiosity gives the child an invitation to talk about it and validates the thoughts and feelings underneath the behaviour. E.g.,
“I’m a little confused. You usually love going to the skatepark, but today you don’t want to take part. I’m wondering what’s different about today? Maybe it’s confusing for you too, and that’s ok”.
3. Acknowledge when you make a mistake:
Sometimes, we might think we know what a young person is feeling, but we might get it wrong. That is okay, but it is important to acknowledge this and thank the young person for sharing how they are actually feeling.
E.g., “Ahh yes, I got it totally wrong. Thank you for helping me understand what you were really feeling.”

Helpful Things to Remember with Curiosity and PACE:
· The child may not be used to someone showing an interest in their inner experiences, so a curious stance might be met with mistrust or rejection at first.
- It is important to go at the child’s pace and that we do not bombard them with curious questioning, or make them uncomfortable.
- Allowing yourself to experience some part of what the child is experiencing can be stressful and tiring. These are understandable emotions – after all, we are only human!
It is important that we prioritise self-care and utilise safe spaces with supportive others to talk through these feelings.
The Benefits of Curiosity
It shows children that they are worthy of care and attention:
Children and young people who have experienced significant trauma and attachment disruptions have likely not experienced a sensitive and attuned caregiver who consistently pays attention to and cares for their experiences and inner world.
Adopting a curious stance is a way in which we can help young people feel noticed, important, and worthy of care and attention.
It helps a child to make sense of their inner experience:
When children and young people receive consistent nurture and attuned care, they feel safe to explore and learn about themselves, others and the world around them.
Through the adults around them adopting a curious stance, young people can begin to develop an understanding of their thoughts and feelings and what might be driving some of the behaviours they might engage in.

As the child communicates this to the adults, the need for the behaviour may reduce, and with that, the behaviour itself.
· Curiosity helps you to understand the child’s thoughts, emotions, experiences and needs.
· It helps the child or young person to stay open and engaged in conversation:
If an adult can stay curious about why a young person has engaged in a particular behaviour, it can help the child to be open about what they are thinking and feeling.
How Curiosity Fits in With the PACE Parenting Framework
The PACE Model is an attachment-focused approach developed by Dr Dan Hughes that aims to promote attunement and connection in your interactions with children who have experienced developmental trauma.
The P.A.C.E model consists of four principles:
1. Playfulness
2. Acceptance
3. Curiosity
4. Empathy
Evidence shows that by consistently and effectively applying the four principles of P.A.C.E parenting, carers are better able to provide a child with the emotional containment and relational safety they need to develop secure attachments and begin to heal from their early traumatic experiences.
Curiosity is crucial to developing nurturing, secure attachment relationships with children who have experienced trauma.
Experiencing early trauma has a significant impact on a child’s brain development, and they can have difficulty regulating their emotions and making sense of their inner experiences.
When the adults around them adopt a curious and non-judgemental stance, it provides the child with opportunities to safely explore and communicate what is going on underneath their behaviour.
How Meadows Psychology Service Can Help with Implementing PACE
Our expert team provides guidance, support, and training to ensure staff have the necessary skills and strategies to support the formation of secure attachments with young people who have experienced developmental trauma.

Through supporting organisations to implement the PACE therapeutic approach, we aim to:
- Enhance the carer’s psychological understanding of the needs of children and young people.
- Develop carer’s skills in therapeutic parenting and therapeutic practice
- Support team cohesion
- Create meaningful change for carers, staff teams and the children and young people you care for.
If you would like more information or would like to discuss how Meadows Psychology Service can help your organisation to implement a PACE approach, please get in touch and keep your eyes peeled for the last blog in our four-part P.A.C.E parenting series: Empathy!