Self-harm is a deeply personal and complex response to distress, often misunderstood and surrounded by stigma. At Meadows Psychology Service, we recognise that self-harm is not a disorder in itself but rather a coping strategy used by individuals to manage overwhelming emotions, distressing thoughts, or trauma.
Our work with children and young people who engage in self-harming behaviours has shown us that understanding and compassion are key to support and recovery. In this article, we aim to increase awareness, challenge misconceptions, and promote safe, supportive ways to help those affected.
Before reading further, please be mindful that this article discusses self-harm in depth. If this is a triggering topic for you, please consider whether you feel able to continue or seek support from a trusted person.
What is Self-Harm?
Self-harm refers to any intentional act of self-injury or self-punishment that is used as a way to cope with distress. It is often a physical response to emotional pain, trauma, or dysregulation.
While self-harm is not always linked to a specific mental health condition, it can be a sign that someone is struggling with underlying difficulties, such as:
- Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
- Difficulties with emotional regulation
- Experiences of bullying, isolation, or social rejection
- Feelings of shame, guilt, or self-punishment
- Overwhelming anxiety or distress
At Meadows Psychology Service, we understand that self-harm is often a way to feel something when emotions are numbed or a way to externalise internal pain. Our trauma-informed approach focuses on helping young people find healthier, safer ways to express their emotions.
Common Misconceptions About Self-Harm
Despite increasing awareness, many harmful myths still exist around self-harm. These misconceptions can increase stigma and prevent individuals from seeking support.
“Self-harm is just attention-seeking.”
This is one of the most damaging misconceptions. Many individuals who self-harm do so in private and actively hide their injuries, feeling deep shame. Instead of seeing self-harm as attention-seeking, we should view it as a distress signal—an individual’s way of communicating pain that they may not be able to express verbally.
“Only young people self-harm.”
While self-harm is more commonly reported in adolescents, it is not limited to this age group. Adults, including care-experienced young people transitioning into adulthood, may continue to use self-harm as a coping strategy, particularly if they have not been supported to develop alternative ways of managing emotions.
“People who self-harm are suicidal.”
While self-harm can increase the risk of suicide, it is not always a suicidal act. Many individuals self-harm to regain a sense of control, relieve distress, or feel something rather than nothing. However, because of the heightened risk, any disclosure or signs of self-harm should always be taken seriously.
“Cutting is the only form of self-harm.”
Self-harm is often invisible or misunderstood. While cutting is one form, other methods include:
- Burning or scratching the skin
- Hair-pulling (trichotillomania)
- Hitting or punching walls
- Interfering with wound healing
- Eating disorders or restrictive eating
- Substance misuse or risk-taking behaviour
Self-harm can take many forms, and not all are obvious. Recognising less visible forms of self-harm is crucial in supporting young people effectively.
Why Do People Self-Harm?
There is no single reason why someone engages in self-harm. However, research suggests that many people self-harm as a way to:
- Regulate overwhelming emotions – when feelings become too intense, self-harm can provide a temporary sense of release.
- Externalise internal pain – turning emotional distress into physical sensations can feel more manageable.
- Regain a sense of control – in chaotic or unpredictable environments, self-harm can feel like a way to reclaim control.
- Self-punish – individuals who have experienced trauma or abuse may self-harm as a way to cope with shame or guilt.
- Feel something rather than nothing – for some, self-harm is a way to combat emotional numbness or dissociation.
Understanding why someone self-harms helps us respond with compassion and curiosity rather than judgment.
Who is Most Vulnerable to Self-Harm?
While self-harm can affect anyone, some young people are at higher risk, particularly those who:
Have experienced trauma or childhood adversity:
Early trauma can impact emotional regulation, increasing vulnerability.
Have a family history of mental health difficulties:
Children who grow up around maladaptive coping strategies may replicate them.
Struggle with emotional impulsivity:
Difficulty in managing emotions can lead to self-destructive coping mechanisms.
Experience social rejection, bullying, or isolation:
Young people who feel disconnected from their peers or community are at higher risk.
Are care-experienced or have lived in unstable home environments:
Young people in care are significantly more likely to self-harm.
Are neurodivergent (e.g., autistic, ADHD):
Difficulties with sensory processing, emotional regulation, and social challenges can contribute to self-harm behaviours.
By recognising these vulnerabilities, we can focus on prevention and early intervention.
How to Support a Young Person Who Self-Harms
If you are concerned about someone engaging in self-harm, your response can make a significant difference. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
1. Respond with compassion, not panic
Your first reaction is important. Avoid expressing shock, anger, or disappointment. Instead, approach the conversation calmly and with curiosity:
“I’ve noticed you seem to be struggling lately. I want you to know I’m here for you—do you want to talk about what’s been going on?”
2. Validate their feelings
Let them know that their emotions are real and understandable, even if their coping method is harmful.
“I can see that you’re feeling overwhelmed. I want to help you find safer ways to cope.”
3. Offer alternative coping strategies
Self-harm is often about emotional release. Work with them to explore less harmful alternatives, such as:
- Using ice cubes or rubber bands instead of cutting
- Writing or drawing emotions instead of acting on them
- Deep breathing and grounding techniques
- Seeking support through talking therapy
4. Encourage professional support
Some young people may benefit from therapeutic intervention. At Meadows Psychology Service, we offer trauma-informed therapy to explore the underlying causes of self-harm and develop healthier coping strategies.
5. Be patient and consistent
Recovery from self-harm takes time. Keep communication open, provide reassurance, and continue offering support even if they aren’t ready to talk immediately.
Seeking Help: You Are Not Alone
If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, support is available. No one should face this alone. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it’s an important step towards healing.
At Meadows Psychology Service, we are committed to helping children, young people, and families navigate distress in a safe and trauma-informed way. If you need support, please reach out—we are here to help.
