Caring for children who have experienced early trauma or disrupted attachments requires more than love and stability. It requires a deep understanding of how those early experiences shape behaviour, relationships, and emotional development.
At Meadows Psychology Service, we work closely with foster carers, adopters, and professionals to support children with complex needs using trauma-informed approaches, including therapeutic parenting and the PACE approach.
When used together, therapeutic parenting and the PACE model form a powerful foundation for healing. In this blog, we’ll explore how they work together, share practical examples, and offer guidance for putting these strategies into practice at home.
What is Therapeutic Parenting?
Therapeutic parenting is a highly nurturing and responsive approach designed specifically for children who have experienced trauma, neglect, or attachment disruptions. Unlike traditional parenting, which often relies on behaviour management and consequences, therapeutic parenting focuses on building connection, emotional regulation, and a felt sense of safety.
It’s rooted in the understanding that many challenging behaviours are survival strategies or adaptive responses developed in early environments where the child did not feel safe, seen, or soothed. Therapeutic parenting looks beneath these behaviours to understand what is driving them and encourages carers to respond to the child’s unmet needs with empathy and compassion.
What is the PACE Approach and How Does It Align with Therapeutic Parenting?
PACE is a trauma-informed relational approach that was developed by clinical psychologist Dr Dan Hughes. The PACE model is a foundational component of therapeutic parenting, focusing on building trust and connection through Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy. These principles guide caregivers in responding to children’s needs in a compassionate and understanding manner.
- Playfulness – Using a light, warm tone to connect and defuse defensiveness.
- Acceptance – Showing unconditional positive regard for the child, separating the behaviour from the child’s worth.
- Curiosity – Gently exploring what might be going on beneath the surface, without judgement.
- Empathy – Communicating emotional attunement and validating the child’s internal experience.
PACE is not just a technique. It is a way of being with a child. It promotes safety, strengthens attachment, and helps children develop trust in caregiving relationships. The PACE model forms a consistent, compassionate framework for fostering recovery from early adversity.
How Do These Approaches Improve Outcomes for Fostered or Adopted Children?
Let’s look at a scenario:
Case Example: Sam, age 7
Sam was removed from his birth home due to neglect and exposure to domestic violence. In his foster placement, Sam often displays aggression when told “no”. His carer reports that he often refuses to do things you ask him to, like coming to sit at the dinner table, and that he seems “indifferent” when comfort is offered. Traditional parenting responses such as timeouts or rewards have had little to no effect, and at times, they seem to make things more difficult.
Using a therapeutic parenting approach informed by PACE training, Sam’s foster carer begins to respond differently:
- Instead of insisting Sam sit at the table immediately, the carer uses playfulness: “I wonder if a superhero can help us carry your plate?”
- When Sam yells, the carer stays calm and accepts the emotion behind it, saying, “You’re really upset right now. It’s okay to feel angry.”
- The carer uses curiosity to explore what’s going on: “I’m wondering if being asked to come in feels like you didn’t choose for yourself?”
- They show empathy by connecting emotionally: “It must be so hard when things don’t feel fair.”
Over time, Sam begins to show less aggression and seeks connection more often because he feels safer, understood, and emotionally held.
Practical Steps for Using the PACE Approach at Home
Carers often ask: How can I start using PACE in day-to-day life? Here are some practical, realistic strategies:
Start with Playfulness in Safe Moments
Use gentle humour, play, or a warm tone of voice to build connection. For example, making silly noises at breakfast or pretending to be an animal during transitions can reduce tension and invite closeness.
Practice Acceptance Daily
Let your child know you accept them even when they struggle. Use phrases like, “I can see this is hard for you,” or “Even when things go wrong, I still care about you.”
Be Gently Curious, Not Interrogative
Ask questions that invite reflection, not defensiveness. Try, “I wonder if…” instead of “Why did you do that?”—a small shift that opens up safety.
Stay Regulated to Show Empathy
Before responding, take a breath. Your calm presence is more powerful than any words. Empathy can be expressed with a look, a nod, or soft words like, “That was really tough, wasn’t it?”
Take Care of Yourself
Seek support from other carers, attend PACE training, and access supervision and reflective spaces when possible. PACE takes practice, and practising using the techniques in safe spaces with other adults, carers or professionals is paramount.
Final Thoughts
Therapeutic parenting and the PACE approach are more than strategies. They are ways of relating that help children feel safe, build trust, and recover from early trauma. For foster carers and adoptive parents, this journey can be challenging, but also profoundly rewarding.
At Meadows Psychology Service, we’re passionate about supporting families to integrate trauma-informed care into everyday life. Whether you’re new to PACE training or looking to deepen your therapeutic parenting practice, we’re here to help.
Interested in learning more or accessing training for your fostering team? Contact Meadows Psychology Service today to explore how we can support you and the children in your care.ys of relating that help children feel safe, build trust, and recover from early trauma. For foster carers and adoptive parents, this journey can be challenging, but also profoundly rewarding.
At Meadows Psychology Service, we’re passionate about supporting families to integrate trauma-informed care into everyday life. Whether you’re new to PACE training or looking to deepen your therapeutic parenting practice, we’re here to help.
Interested in learning more or accessing training for your fostering team? Contact Meadows Psychology Service today to explore how we can support you and the children in your care.
