Caring for children in the current social landscape can be difficult. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for children to be exposed to instances or events which can cause trauma.
Children who have experienced trauma experience physical changes to their brains, which may make it more difficult for them to adjust in comparison to other children, preventing them from responding well in environments where they feel stressed or overwhelmed.
It can be hard to know exactly how to respond to them, and not responding correctly could, in fact, worsen the way the child handles instances of conflict.
At Meadows Psychology Service, we offer therapeutic support to a range of organisations that work with children and young people. Our expert team of psychologists and psychological therapists has a wealth of experience supporting carers and organisations in implementing evidence-based therapeutic approaches to help children and young people who have experienced trauma feel safe.
If you are working with a child or young person who has experienced significant trauma and are unsure of how best to support them, the PACE model could be a helpful tool.
What is PACE Parenting?
PACE is a trauma-informed approach to supporting children developed by Dr Dan Hughes over twenty years ago. It intends to help adults foster a relationship of trust with children and young people who have experienced trauma.
The PACE method focuses on how caregivers convey messages to children and the communication methods used. The method is beneficial for guiding children through times of heightened emotions and effectively strengthens your bond with a child.
PACE stands for playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy.
Playfulness
The P in PACE stands for playfulness. Developing playfulness depends on creating a light and fun atmosphere when communicating with a child. This could consist of changing your tone of voice and expressing a sense of joy when trying to communicate with a child.
Keeping a light and upbeat attitude is key to this process, especially in situations which may be considered tense or when emotions are heightened.
Now, it can be easy to mistake keeping the tone light with making jokes or being funny, which could make a child feel as though their emotions are being invalidated. You must be careful when using this method and decide whether or not it is the right approach in the moment.
If a child feels incredibly distressed, this approach may not be appropriate, so take the time to assess the situation before committing to a specified method.
Acceptance
Acceptance is based on accepting that the child’s emotions are valid. This aspect of the PACE approach is essentially about putting judgment aside and accepting all interpretations of the situation, even if you do not necessarily agree.
This method is based on the understanding that although you may have a completely different experience and interpretation, you should not invalidate someone’s feelings about an event or situation.
Acceptance does not mean you have to accept harmful behaviour. You can make it clear that you understand the child’s motives without dismissing them.
Acceptance doesn’t need to be conveyed through verbal communication. Simply changing your tone and taking on the role of an active listener can help diffuse a situation and develop a relationship of trust with the child.
Curiosity
Curiosity is about seeking to understand why a child may feel the way they do and what is driving them to feel that way. The focus is on getting to the core of who the child is, including how they think, what they might be thinking, and what feelings might be going on for them beneath the behaviours that we see.
Not only is this a great way to gain a deeper understanding of why a child may be displaying a particular behaviour, but it can also help you develop a deeper understanding of your own response to conflict and refrain from responding with frustration in these circumstances.
Taking a curious and caring approach can be a valuable way to assist a child in navigating their experiences and emotions. By exploring their feelings together, you can help them make sense of their inner world.
By asking questions and taking in the responses, you will develop a deeper understanding of the child, and if a situation were to arise in the future, you would be equipped to handle it.
Empathy
Using empathy is the practice of putting yourself in the child’s shoes and trying to understand exactly how they feel. It is important to distinguish that this is not about asking a child exactly how they feel; it’s about listening to their feelings and trying to understand them.
Practising empathy can help you form a deeper connection with the child and reassure them that their feelings are valid and understood. Constantly feeling overwhelming emotions can make a child feel isolated, so they need to know they have someone willing to listen.
Applying PACE Parenting in Schools
Understanding the methodology behind PACE is one thing, but putting it into practice is another.
Using PACE parenting in schools can be incredibly successful. The method involves taking a step back and not reciprocating aggression; you are typically trained to take a trauma-informed approach in positions of authority and using this method can support that.
Practising PACE may also benefit any children watching the encounter unfold, as it will teach them to be more apathetic in circumstances of distress.
If you continue to struggle and can’t seem to get through to the children in your care or a student, it could be good to be aware that Meadows Psychology Service offers expert psychological support and advice if you should need it.
An Example of the PACE method in school:
Ben refuses to engage in the lesson tasks; he disrupts other students, and instead of completing the work, he rips up the sheet and throws it on the floor.
Typically, your automatic response may be out of anger and frustration, but you must take a second to assess which PACE approach may diffuse the situation and reassure the child.
Possible responses to the example include:
Playful Response
“ Oh no! It looks like your worksheet has been nibbled up. I hope it wasn’t a mouse because I don’t have any cheese! How are you feeling? You look a bit upset. Should we talk about it in the reading nook? Maybe we could even work together to try and find this mischievous mouse!”
Accepting Response
“Oh, Ben, I understand. This work can be really challenging, and we make it hard to push you all. I struggle with work sometimes, too, and it can be really frustrating, and I can get upset. It’s okay to get frustrated sometimes.”
Curious Response
“You tend to really enjoy this subject; I wonder what makes it challenging today? You mentioned the other day that your dog was going to the vet today. Do you think the stress of the history questions and the vet trip is making you worried?”
Empathetic Response
“Oh, Ben, you look really stressed out today. Is that how you’re feeling? I can only imagine how hard it is to try and do work when you are feeling so tense. How about we have a little chat and think up a plan together to make it a bit easier for you? We all tend to do our best work in teams; what do you think?”
Applying PACE Parenting at Home
If you are a parent and you want to implement the method, you will have an advantage. You know your child better than anyone else, so assessing which approach is right for them will be quicker.
You may not take the right approach in the first attempt, and that is completely fine; PACE gives you the opportunity to learn and change your approach when you are next confronted with a troubling situation.
The Benefits of Using The PACE Method
The PACE method could offer a lifeline to any guardian or teacher unable to communicate with a child in their care. Some other benefits of using the method may include:
Helps an Adult Slow Down Their Reactions
If you want to practice the PACE method and keep that in the forefront of your mind, it could help you slow down and think about your reactions.
When actively trying to engage in the PACE method, you need to take time to understand which method you will use. This will prevent you from acting on your emotions and speaking out of frustration. Developing this process may give you an advantage in other aspects of your life.
Promotes Positive Behaviour Changes
If you continue to push back against a child who constantly experiences moments of distress, you are not going to help them develop. Something that you have to keep in mind is that if a child has experienced trauma, they are not going to process things the same way that a professionally trained adult will.
You have the responsibility to take the lead and encourage the child to take a different approach to understanding their emotions, which you can do with the support of the PACE method.
Can Benefit Staff
If you run a school or residential home, you will be more than aware that no two children are the same, and you have to be equipped to deal with a variety of situations. You need to learn this over time, but engaging in the PACE methodology can help you develop this skill much faster.
This methodology could greatly improve the training of newer staff and help them improve their work.
Builds More Secure Relationships
Every aspect of the PACE methodology fosters a relationship of trust as you hand over an element of control to the child and enable them to convey exactly how they feel.
If a child feels they can trust you enough to share their emotions and explain their feelings, that will help you develop a closer relationship with them. Having a relationship with someone that they know they can confide in may even prevent them from externalising their big feelings through behaviours which may hurt or harm themselves or others.
Putting PACE into Practice
Now that you have a better understanding of the PACE therapeutic parenting approach and know how to apply it to real-life situations, we suggest that you put it into practice the next time you work with a stressed child.
If you would like to know more about the approach and need additional advice on how to implement it, contact our team today at Meadows Psychology Service; we are always here to help.
